It’s been about a month and I’ve no excuse you’ve not heard from other bloggers. It still sounds funny to me, “bloggers”…I picture nerdy bastards with thick glasses looking through someone’s window, crouched behind some nasty smelling boxwood and going “Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh yeah…” each time an old lady passes gas.
It sounds like a synonym for pervert.

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“Facebook Me!” also has the sound of a perverted act waiting to happen.

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During the Christmas holiday I remembered my age.
My kids asked for Converse tennis shoes for Christmas. Now, when I was a wee chap, Converse were cheap ass canvas shoes sold on Lay-A-Way in finer Dollar stores throughout the South. Therefore, when I saw the words “Converse Shoes” on their lists, the fiscal tight wad nside me nearly exploded with yuletide joy. Then I went to the store. A well-meaning, but misinformed salesperson tried to tell me that Converse Shoes…Cheap Chinese canvas and 3rd rate rubber soles…were now “trendy” and cost $49.99.

“What?” I said.

“Forty-nine, ninety-nine.” she said, smiling.

“For low-rent fish heads?”

“Converse.” she said.

“Yeah…Fish heads.”

I felt thirty more gray hairs grow in my ears as I swiped my debit card.

Fish heads!!

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My niece is pregnant. I’m immensely proud of her. There are much worse decisions a young woman can make than the decision to keep her unplanned child. Much worse.

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Last month, Kim Kardashian was on the cover of some check-out rag, lamenting the fact she hadn’t gotten married yet. She thought that by age 30 she’d be married…
Newsflash to single women: Making a second-rate porn with a third-rate rapper will not result in first-rate marriage proposals.

Think before you sink.

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Dick Clark should retire. I said it so you don’t have to feel bad for thinking it.
I know he’s been around forever.
I know he’s an American Icon etc.
But I don’t want to spend another “Rockin’ Eve” watching him struggle through his cue cards and tongue his wife on National TV.
Standards people, standards.

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A friend received a Chia Pet of Obama for Christmas. It made me wonder what the Chia folks would do if we elected a bald President? Enclose a wig?

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Hunting Season has been a blast. Although I haven’t “Honked” as many hunters as I wanted to, I’ve enjoyed the birds flipped at me nonetheless. You should try it. Next time you see some orange-hatted folks hanging on the side of the road, hoping to kill one of the dumbest animals on Earth, just lay on your horn…

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I know, I’ve seen the bumper stickers.
“Hunting & Fishing: American Traditions”
Under that logic we should still have Slavery & powdered wigs.
Not to mention, black & white TV and Klan rallies on the Courthouse lawns…

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The Polar Plunge is about a month away. I will be running into the frigid Atlantic Ocean in the name of the Special Olympics. Jameson’s Irish Whiskey will join me. An Ace in the Hole so to speak. The goal is to raise money to help the Special Olympics of Virginia and to drink enough Whiskey to ignore my frozen manhood as it floats out to sea…
Click Here to Help...

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I received an acceptance for one of my stories. It is an enhanced version of the story “Watching Battleships” that first appeared on this here blog.

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Happy New Year & read Ayn Rand.

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-John.

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