Do you ever sit there writing away, letting words and phrases loose in a random flight path, the seductive click-clack-tap of the finger/keyboard intercourse thumping in your ear, when the hairy beast of insecurity comes up to lick your brain and you try to fight it with reason but you fail cause you really know he’s right: You Suck. With every word you prove the beast right; but then it hits you that sitting there writing away, letting words do their dance around logic and insecurity–that the sitting and the writing is the proof that the beast is a bullshit artist in faux fur. And all the Dr. Phil’s, and encouraging strangers, and predictable friends who say, “You can do it!” pale in comparison to the feeling of ACTUALLY writing.

Then, it hits you that in that moment-words and flight paths be damned-you are the person you want to be, doing the thing you want to do, and doing it regardless of what anyone says (including your doubting, doppelgänger Thomas)….when you notice the beast is silent and the mistress is in front of you, letting you make love to the blank page with every sentence fragment and dangling participle you can find. The mistress doesn’t care. Only the beast gives a damn about your structure. Nothing matters because as the words appear in your mind and reappear on page you are alive and laughing.

Do you ever get that sense that there is no path and no destination?
No reason for such clichés anyway because clichés are words on flight paths leading nowhere worth landing and that every now and again, is really just every Now, repeated. Do you ever feel that when you do the BIG thing in your life; be it writing, drawing, gardening, bike racing or pizza baking, the every Now is what all that Again is for anyway?

Maybe it’s not alcoholism that is a coward’s suicide after all.
Maybe it’s letting the beast scare you into submission and spending one more moment avoiding the Big Thing out of deference for a little thing…alcohol, food, sex, drugs, TV, pop culture, and your latest tweet are just distractions to make sure you stop before the best part of you ends up on display.

Do you ever get that feeling?

Yeah, me neither…

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